Face Into Wall

Something that makes me kind of sad:  

We were supposed to get married yesterday. Due to finacial restraints over the last few months, we're having to postpone our wedding. The good news is, last night, Casey stayed over with me at Mom's. It was really nice. I had missed him so much! I didn't get to spend as much time as I wanted to with him, but I guess that's okay.

He did come bearing semi-good news. His brother-in-law, Kyle, spoke to a guy that they mutually know who has a place for rent for fairly cheap, and as I understand it, in good repair. There's one problem. It's in Bristol. I know he means well, but I don't know if I can stand to live there ever again. the only reason I'm considering this place is because, apparently it will be only $200.00 a month for rent. That seems impossible! I guess we could make up our travel losses due to the cheap rent. I'm trying to be okay with the idea, but I'm just now sure I can handle it. I know Casey loves me, but there are just some things I'm unwavering on! Part of me wants to consider this as a great deal, while the other part of me wants to scream!!! Why can't he understand how much I HATE THAT PLACE?! Let's move on, shall we?

I need to have my driver's license replaced. There are a lot of reasons why, but one of the key reasons is for job purposes. Mom spoke to someone at a Flash Foods here in Waycross today, regarding a job for me. I filled out the online application a couple of hours ago. Another concern I have with this job thing, and I'm not sure if I'm being clear enough, but I do not have a car. Mom has the only running vehicle in this household of three. She works out of town. Just how exactly am I going to get to work? Tomorrow, I may see how long it takes for me to walk there. I miss public transportation.

Recently, it may seem that I'm making up a lot of excuses. The truth is, the excuses are not for avoidance. And, I'm not making them up. I feel like I'm ramming my face into a wall every time I try to explain my situation. There are some things at this moment that are straight out impossible. Maybe I'm making things too complicated in my mind. I need to level out some fucking how.

Skipping back to last night and the course of events that took place...

Mom, Bill, and me went out to eat last night. Forgetting it was a Friday night, we were displeased to find that most of the restaurants were packed. After scounting our options (which excluded any place Bill could not drink), we decided to eat at Dick's Wings, a little sport's bar that I've frequented many times with Casey and Cody. However, Mom had never been there and she, like me, was having some trouble undersanding Bill's behavior and fixation of drinking the entire evening.

As we entered Dick's, it was obviously very busy and very crowded. Controlling my anxiety issues was more than a little bit difficult. bill was insistant that we were eating there, and drug us up to the bar. To sit on fucking stools. I was more than reluctant to follow suit , an in protest, sat my purse on a stool and remained standing up, just looking in horror at what was going on. Perhaps that wans't the best way to handle it...

Let me get a few things straight before I proceed any further. I do not like bars in general, I do not like crowds, I do not want to sit in front of the kitchen, watching employees wash dishes and hear the clatter of whatever is going on in the kitchen, and, I like to enjoy my meal and socilize with who I'm sitting with at a table. I think these are reasonable concerns. I don't care if anyone else finds them to be.

Mom, instead of saying something to Bill, said something to me! She pulled me to the side, with a forced smile on her face, talking through her teeth,  informs me that she was not going to put up with my behavior, well something like that. She was not nearly as nice as I'm describing it. I apologized and tried to make the best of things. It was only the beginning.

Bill orded some fried pickles (eew) and they did not arrive exactly how he wanted them, so instead of politely asking the waitress about their condition, he asked a random guy behind the bar, in a loud voice, exactly what the pickles on his plate were supposed to be. (Damn that's a hell of a run-on sentence!) Bill acted like a classless boar the entire time we were there.

Mom and Bill talked for a bit and I guess cleared things up after we got home. Casey was waiting on us. I sat in the sun room with him and we talked ( which is when he brought up the house in Bristol). Out of nowhere, Mom want's to go to Dennis and Marty's, another bar!

She'd already convinced Casey to go, so I tagged along. It was the most pathetic and sad bar I'd ever been to. (Keep in mind it was after 1:00 AM.) Bad country music and top 40's hits from the 80's playing. Pretentious karaoke singers...gah. Casey and I sat in the farthest corner in the bar, aiming to be away from everyone else. After a while, we stepped outside because it was too loud and too smoky.

The night ended on a good note, with Casey and I sitting up all night looking a pictures and uploading rintones on our phones. And cuddling. Always a good thing.